


Survivor's Guilt

by SadinaSaphrite



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Gen, Mentions of Mondatta's Death, Survivor Guilt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-15
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-11-18 07:08:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18115799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SadinaSaphrite/pseuds/SadinaSaphrite
Summary: Lena has done her best to avoid Genji's new friend from the Shambali. However, nothing can be avoided forever, especially when a certain monk takes matters into his own hands.





	Survivor's Guilt

**Author's Note:**

> This is my entry for [StudioZine's](https://studiozines.tumblr.com/) "Blink! A Tracer Zine." Enjoy! Credit to [CrimsonFringe](http://crimsonfringe.tumblr.com/) for helping with Zen's dialogue!

Lena knew she was being ridiculous. She was being ridiculous and stupid and running from her problems, but here she was, all the same.

It had only been one week since Genji and his new friend from the Shambali arrived at the Watchpoint to answer Winston’s recall, but in that time, Lena had done an excellent job of making a fool of herself. She genuinely wanted to chat and catch up with Genji, but he seemed to spend every waking moment with Zenyatta, and whenever Lena saw the omnic she found a myriad of excuses to flee the room. It was childish and rude and she was sure Genji had noticed, but she couldn’t help herself. The thought of facing Zenyatta was…unbearable.

Genji had messaged her an hour ago, asking if she was could meet, so Lena immediately found something else that would keep her busy for most of the day. She’d been meaning to do some extensive diagnostic checks on the Orca, tedious work that she’d been putting off, so she headed down to the Watchpoint’s aircraft hangar instead.

The lights activated automatically as Lena stepped into the large building and she let out a sigh. The MV-261 Orca and the hangar were comfortingly familiar. Her steps echoed as she walked quickly toward the lone aircraft, the hangar eerily silent apart from the hum of the fluorescent lights above. Good. She’d be able to hear Genji coming a mile away if he tried to ambush her here.

She’d spent a lot of time here in the good old days, and she relaxed as she climbed aboard the Orca and settled down in the pilot’s seat. She even started to enjoy the tedious practice of running the ship’s self-check diagnostics, if only for the sheer familiarity of it. She watched the readouts scan past on her tablet as she checked each system for irregularities.

“I hope I am not interrupting,” an unfamiliar voice asked from behind her.

Lena yelped and jumped a good two feet into the air, falling out of the pilot’s seat and sending her tablet flying across the cockpit.

Standing at the base of the stairs that lead into the cockpit was Zenyatta. No, not standing. _Floating._ That’s how he’d been able to sneak up on her.

“Bloody ‘ell, you scared the bejeezus out of me!” Lena said. She hastily scrambled to her feet, scooping the tablet up and straightening her chrono accelerator’s harness.

“My apologies for startling you,” Zenyatta said. 

“It’s fine, I’m fine,” Lena tried to flash him a cheerful smile, but even she could tell that it was strained. “No worries. I’ll just…ah…What can I help you with?” 

She hoped it was something she could solve quickly and send the monk on his way.

“I was merely seeking the pleasure of your company,” Zenyatta said. As he spoke, he smoothly unfolded from his floating lotus position and dropped gracefully back to his own two feet. He calmly advanced up the stairs toward her.

“My…uh…what? My company? But…why would…I mean, what for?” Lena stumbled over her words, clutching tight to her tablet as her nerves took over.

“To start with, I was hoping to finally become properly introduced,” he said as he reached the top of the stairs. “I am Tekhartha Zenyatta, Genji’s friend and mentor.”

He gave a deep bow.

“Lena Oxton, call sign: Tracer,” Lena awkwardly returned the bow. “Well, uh…good to meet you!”

“Indeed. My pupil Genji speaks highly of you. It is unfortunate it took so long for us to become properly introduced, but I fear we somehow keep missing each other.” He cocked his head slightly to one side. “Though I have become well acquainted with the sight of your back as you exit a room.”

“Aw, really? That’s a shame! I have the worst timing,” she gave him a nervous smile and her eyes darted around the cockpit, trying to look at anything other than the monk in front of her.

“An unusual trait for someone with your unique abilities,” he nodded toward her chrono accelerator.

Lena forced a laugh, but it was too high and too loud to pass as genuine.

“Haha, that’s a good one, that is!” She fiddled anxiously with the tablet.

“If you’ll forgive me, you seem nervous. Is there any way I can assist you?”

Lena’s smile became even more strained. God, this was going terribly.

“N-no, everything’s just peachy!”

Zenyatta seemed to consider her for a moment.

“A bird is built for flight, but even she must rest after staying aloft for so long,” he said, his synthetic voice smooth and calm. “I apologize if my presence upsets you, though I’d like to offer you a chance to rest your burdens with me, so that you may fly freely again. Please. What troubles you?”

There was no accusation, no enmity in his voice, only honest concern, and Lena found she couldn’t continue the charade in the face of that kindness. She dropped her gaze and tears pricked at the corner of her eyes.

“…It’s my fault,” she said, hardly more than a whisper. “It’s my fault Mondatta died. I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you, but I couldn’t bear to face another member of the Shambali knowing that I’m responsible for his death.”

A moment of silence passed before Zenyatta spoke again.

“It was my understanding that Tekhartha Mondatta was assassinated by a Talon sniper,” he said, steepling his fingers, and Lena got the impression that he was choosing his words carefully. “What makes you feel that you share in the blame?”

“I was there,” she clenched her fists to keep her hands from shaking. “I came to hear Mondatta speak. I noticed the bodyguards were looking antsy, so I went to check the perimeter and that’s when I found her.”

“The sniper?” Zenyatta supplied after Lena fell silent.

She nodded. “She goes by Widowmaker. We’d fought before, but I’d always come out on top. I got excited. It had been such a long time since I’d seen action, what with Overwatch being disbanded and all, and I was eager for some excitement. So when I found Widowmaker on the roof, I was so bloody sure I was going to save the day. I was even cheeky, taunting her and making quips. Having a grand old time. But then…she got the better of me. And the worst part? It should have been me. She had me dead in her sights, and I recalled to safety. And because I got out of the way, the bullet hit…it hit…”

The tears that had been stinging Lena’s eyes finally spilled over. She didn’t see Zenyatta move, but suddenly the omnic’s arms were around her, pulling her tight against his steel chassis into a firm hug. Lena clung to him and let herself fall apart.

“It should have been me!” she sobbed. “Mondatta was an inspiration to so many, and I’m just _me._ If I hadn’t thrown that pulse bomb early, if I hadn’t recalled out of the way, Mondatta would still be alive. But he’s not, and now omnic relations are worse than ever, and I just can’t help but think if I’d been smarter, if I’d been less cheeky, then…then maybe…”

Lena found she couldn’t continue and wept into Zenyatta’s chassis.

“There now,” he murmured. “Breathe…It’s alright, I’ve got you.”

Something about his soft voice was particularly soothing and Lena began to feel warm all over. Slowly, she relaxed in his embrace. After another few minutes, she finally started to pull away.

“Sorry, I’m sorry…” Lena wiped at her eyes and gave a little hiccup. “That was…Forgive me.”

“I cannot forgive you,” Zenyatta said. “For there is nothing to forgive. You have done nothing wrong.”

“But…I failed,” she said flatly.

“Failure and success are both complexities of life,” Zenyatta closed his hands around her own. “If you had stood by and watched rather than intervened, you would have likewise failed. You instead took action and followed your heart to a failure you can learn from. Success may seem sweet, but it also comes with a price, and successes usually carry fewer lessons for us to better ourselves with.”

Lena blinked owlishly at him, processing his words, and finally noticed that a golden orb hung in the air above them, bathing them with a warm, soothing light.

“Do not blame yourself for Mondatta’s death,” Zenyatta continued when Lena didn’t interrupt. “You are not the one who pulled the trigger. And do not feel that your life would have been a fair exchange for his. A glass of water and a glass of oil may be weighed against one another, but neither can be determined as the more valuable.”

“But I’m no great leader,” Lena finally protested. “There were millions who looked up to Mondatta!”

“The popularity of one life does not determine its worth,” Zenyatta said sagely. “How do you believe your friends and family value your life?”

Lena chewed on her bottom lip and looked away, thinking of her parents, Winston, Emily, all the loved ones she’d surrounded herself with.

“The past has already been etched into the stone of time and cannot be altered,” Zenyatta let out a gentle laugh and tapped her chrono accelerator. “Most of the time, at least. It is best to let the past be, and look instead at how we let it shape us.”

The blue LEDs of the Jieba in his forehead flickered and his voice took on a slightly teasing tone. “I might normally recommend ‘do not stay trapped in the past,’ but it is my understanding that you have personal experience with that.”

That surprised a short laugh out of her.

“You’re right, of course you’re right,” she said, pulling away to wipe at her eyes again. “But it still hurts.”

“Then perhaps it may help if you honor Mondatta’s memory by upholding the ideals he stood for. Do good in the world and spread peace,” Zenyatta made a show of looking around himself. “Reinstituting a global peacekeeping organization like Overwatch? It looks like you are off to a good start.”

“You do know that what we’re doing here is absolutely illegal, right?” Lena asked. “The Petras Act forbids any Overwatch activity. Some people don’t think we’re doing good.”

“Trust me when I say that Mondatta would have approved regardless of legality.”

“Really? That means a lot,” Lena smiled wide and dipped into a proper bow. “Thank you, Zenyatta.”

“Of course, Miss Oxton,” Zenyatta said, returning her bow.

She let out a much more genuine laugh. “Oh, God. No. Please, call me Lena or just Tracer. I’m rubbish at being formal, and ‘Miss Oxton’ sounds far too uptight for me!”

“Lena, then,” Zenyatta said with a chuckle. “I will leave you to your work.”

Lena looked at the tablet and made a face. “You know? I think this can wait. Genji and I have some catching up to do!”

They left together, and the hangar echoed with the sounds of their laughter.

**Author's Note:**

> Hit me up at [tumblr](http://dabbledrabbleprose.tumblr.com), [twitter](https://twitter.com/SadinaSaphrite), or [pillowfort!](https://www.pillowfort.io/SadinaSaphrite)


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